Tuesday, August 18, 2009
As I sit and prepare for my first solo CD Release party I reflect on my emotions and my path and what its taken for me to get here. Its been an interesting road to say the least. From reading Edgar Allen Poe and becoming obsessed witht the macabre at the age of 8, dealing with alcoholism in my family, having suicidal thoughts, preaching the Satanic Bible, spending hour upon hour drawing intricate Geiger-esque art pieces, touring Europe in a private plane drinking Cristal, spending hours upon hours snorting cocaine, sitting in silence 16 hours a day meditating for weeks, drinking and smoking cigarettes, doing pushups in jail till I couldn't lift myself off the floor to get up, taking responsibility for my gang, teaching and inspiring all ages, to spending days mastering my first solo cd, its been a unique experience to say the least. I've been very angry, very hurt, very distraught, very excited, very energized and so on. They're all emotions I try to not let "devolve" into sentimentality. I encountered this first concept while being in jail reading books from other inmates from an author named Bo Lozoff who's books can be obtained for free if you're in any correctional facility. He was describing a teaching a student had and how he "missed" the experience he was having. I applied that to being in jail. I missed the people in my life that were my friends and family but being locked up gives you all the free time in the world. It was a time to work out, read, write music (sheet music), meditate, and find the peace within confinement. Having a clean mind has helped me really tap into the people and thing going on around me. I feel close to everyone in my cirlce and its expanding. Never before have I listened so intently and really felt emotions from the people around me. I spend hour upon hour reading the news and consuming new information in regards to politics, religion, physics and world events. I really am lucky to have the time to read as much as I do. I think of it as my time for reeducation and it gives me fuel and ammo for the next phase of my life, being the front man in my own band that I constructed and put together. In the vipasanna meditation school where I got most of my inspiration to view our consciousness, equanimity is thename of the game. Everything passes so you shouldn't hold on to anything which is the basis of misery which to me is the absolute truth. EVERYTHING is impermanent. I truly believe the next phase of human evolution is before us and its time to let go of the poorly constructed capitalistic ideals and profit based society. More and more people are seeing religion and what its become as the insane, illogical and unreasonable witch hunt it still is. One thing is believing in a divine creator, another is believing it is your civic duty as a "holy soldier" to help fulfill a biblical "prophecy" that was misinterpreted by rich white men to justify crushing of other civilizations. Can the global elite, from bankers, to royalty really think they can keep running everything and horde all the wealth and treat their fellow man like cattle forever? As we grow and have the connection with the world via the internet, it is increasingly harder for them to perpetuate the cycle. When Ahmadinajed condemned any media on reporting on the protests in Iran where he sprayed acid on his own people, the updates from facebook to twitter from all the people was overwhelming. We have a global consciousness that is growing stronger and I still indulge in my emotion when I say I am proud to be here at this point and time and try and bring something new in my music and existence.